Right from childhood, I’ve always carried the knowing that I am unique, and that I need no one to affirm it. My thinking has always been far above average even among my peers. I seem to always have an idea about many things, if not the full picture, at least far more than half of it. Early enough, I told myself “no to premarital sex” as soon as my mum told me I was capable of bringing forth a child. Mum explained that “Having a family is no child’s play; no matter how old or prepared you are, there is always an element of surprise at each turn”.
Up until now, premarital sex didn’t use to be a celebrated thing in many Nigerian cultures, not among teenagers! As a teenager, I didn’t want to make community headlines, dragging my family name into the mud, by being the next teenage mother. So I made up my mind to do the right thing. This is what I told myself; the only man that will know how good, bad or ugly I am in bed will be the man that has taken me to the altar.
Not that I will run off with any man I see, but he must be approved by my parent, my parent necessarily don’t have to choose for me but he must be the man I love, and above all, he must love Christ, ‘cos I believe that a man who loves Christ can’t be struggling to love his wife, he should know how to love her right, give her the respect she deserves and help her in every way he can without being a tyrant. Simply because amidst so much love, respect, honour & humility is abides.
When a woman loves, it’s with all her heart. Nothing is left.
My stands on premarital sex and marriage might sound like a childhood fantasy, but believe me, it has helped me bottle up well. Not one of the above lines can be skipped; it must be truly followed to get the expected result. It is true that we live in a world where everything wrong now seems right, essentially because we erroneously choose to believe that everyone is doing it. Please snap out of it! Yeah it might seem as if everyone is losing their ability to discern from what is actually good or bad, yet, it’s important to note that it’s only in mathematics that negative * negative = positive. Our society might be losing its didactic values but we must pause in a while and then whisper some sensible truth to ourselves! Many things in life are worth waiting for, and to every single/unmarried person reading this; sex is part of it. How do you feel after doing it? So many adults are now in abusive relationship because they put the last thing first. Premarital sex can be likened to a man who wants to build a house & the first thing he buys is the paint far before getting the land. Even if you are doing it or you’re struggling with it, it’s never too late to put things right. Believe me no one says it’s going to be easy, but it’s worth the effort.
Our parents are the angels sent to guide us; they have lived long enough to know where the tree a child is cutting will fall. Never despise their warnings or frown at their rebukes because that which they see while laying you probably won’t see even when you climb the top of the tallest mountain.
The role of God cannot be over emphasized, always put God first in all you do then you will be great in life. Marriage is a sacred thing, where you do it with God’s blessing then you have the license to have sex in its full package. Old habits die hard but with God all things are possible including abstinence.
Yinka Akoleowo
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