“The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happened to them all”. In these seemingly unfair but just words I solace and build my arsenal for constructive optimism. Exactly two decades and five years ago, I vacated the heavens, though with no choice of choosing my location, neither was I encumbered with the responsibility of picking a race like no one was. But this I do and do conscientiously too, I remind myself always of what I must become, because presently there is a robust distinct between the content of my production manual and my present performance.
With every beginning you would agree that there is most times an element of shapelessness, obscurity, and emptiness, just like the initial case of planet earth where we all now dwell and reside. Nevertheless, the incentive for the mishap of past years dwells in the confidence that tomorrow is absolutely incomparable to the present. Anyway I’m armed with the knowing that each day unravels the destiny I hold in high esteem, and I’m quite fortunate to realize early enough that it’s absolutely my responsibility and mine alone to strengthen and fortify myself, since I've got the intelligence that “no one owes you nothing”. This singular factor I know will make me; because it first changed my perception therefore I can truly say it has changed my life.
As the full glimpse of how the beginning began fades bit by bit, I can only crave that some memories shed off me as the process of ecdysis in reptiles. I sometimes ask how come I still maintain a healthy self esteem, despite all that a particular aunt did to ensure that I look very miserable while I stayed under the nose of my parents. In case aunty ever gets to read this, I’m saying this because I've forgiven you but that I haven’t forgotten.
Many friends feel I should just have my name as Lanre, but I so much nurse the apprehension that the name would lose its beauty and meaning since the richness of a name dwells in its full pronunciation. -so I think! By a way of digression, have you ever considered if your name has got any effect on you? I’m African and I think mine does. I long realized that in my case, the end is most times the compensation of the seemingly unpleasant or cloudy beginning. However, things just get better and better over time with little or sometimes no effort.
Let me open you to one of my very deep secret as long as you promise that I can trust you with my life. After all we all have secrets. This crime I have committed so well. See, despite that I claim to be a celibate at twenty five; I spent the ingenuous days of my life in the warm arms of another man’s wife. To this effect, for every reason under the sun I would choose the person of my mum over and over again. Though if I must confess, there were times I considered her as over demanding, due to her endless list of dos and donts. Heavens knows that words like “jeki baba e de” meaning your dad will handle your punishment at his return sends shivers all over my spine just at their ventilation. I dread these words much more than anything I can ever remember, at least as I write. The feeling of fear and unease can be compared to the cold that runs through the spinal column of a young promising folk who has just been informed that his new status includes ‘positive to HIV’.
If you ask me I would sincerely say that I know better and truly I do. Lanre now understands that she was only trying to emphasize and re-emphasize why we must uphold good character at all times. Can I trust you again? She mustn’t hear this o. Even till now I still considered some of her nagging as over-reacting. Nevertheless, I remain her number one fan.
I’m pretty detailed and analytical, and that can sometimes be quite irritating. I want to know all the whys and why nots before venturing into anything. That makes me worry than an average person does. And the mind you will agree is a remarkable mechanism. The ability of the mind to fulfill intricate tasks with such an amazing speed is notoriously incredible. When I say “what could be wrong?” like I often ask myself. The invisible me compiles and cross reference a list of results just like Google does. A list comprising of things I should have done that I didn’t or things that I should have done better, and in other cases, things that I should have avoided. All of this crops up at a blinding speed. Being the kind that frequently looks out for that which is unfixed so I can fix, my brain succeeds at each point to shower me with a countless list of things I should be worried about and that sometimes, sincerely, dumps me in a perfect state of madness even amidst sanity. Any way am gradually getting over it through personal therapy.
I’ve got so much trust in God, infact he’s a friend who also doubles as a lover. A lover who has been conscious of me while I was unmindful of Him, this lover cum super friend has lent dignity to my existence. In fact I’ve been blinded by the brightness of wholesome affection. In His seeming “foolishness” I have found deep wisdom and direction, in His arms have I found incorruptible affection.
Lanre speak faster than he naturally can. So it makes me sound like a stammer because I may have to repeat my sentences all over again at a slower pace. So I can be clear. But thank God I’m not. I have a great taste for high flying life. I love the red carpets and the green ones too. I use to be among those who say guys shouldn’t wear a chain, but these days I carry one around my neck round the clock. The sentimental feeling behind this particular one i'm wearing broke my long time belief, and also opened my taste for quality neck ornament because if it is not gold it won’t stay.
I have repeatedly failed at several attempts to get out of the poor rat race legally, that I’ve failed before is the reason why I will attain legally. Am contended with what I have and also with what I don’t have. I just don’t feel less important that I can’t afford the blackberry of my choice. But I feel deeply insecure when I know or feel that I don’t just know enough. I studied hydrology, only to discover later that I have a natural knack for psychology and the social sciences. I love to study people and relate their experiences and exposure to why they behave differently. But since it is erroneously believed that the smartest kids should be in the sciences, I headed for the sciences. Anyway, I’m gradually tracing my steps.
Against all insinuations that am overtly extroverted. I know that I could be quite shy at times. The real me that others don’t get to see just wants to stay indoor as long as I can, burying my nose in one book or the other or better still stare at my notepad all day either writing or reading as if my whole life depends on it.
I cherish two categories of people, the intelligent ones and the sincere ones. I tolerate the unintelligent though you don’t get to learn much from them. But I hate those who are not sincere or those who feel they can always cunningly outsmart others. A good number of my friends will ever remain big share holders in my success. Infact some of them can’t get me offended anymore, less they take my woman…lol. I’ve been blessed by the content of their intellect and in every sense I am better for it. There’s this particular one who has an amazing ability to help me overcome my flaws and some of my inadequacies. We’ve stayed long enough together to be referred to as twin brothers. And indeed he is. And there is another who makes me feel that I've got a lot to do and that I haven’t started despite that I’m just as unique as he is. I call him a workaholic and really he is.
I love people, but I love little children more, there is no point trusting the former blindly, because of its grave consequences, but for the latter I’m always fascinated by their pride in simplicity and ability to forgive before been offended.
I can’t wait to behold Daniel and Daniela though I sometimes wish that kids give birth to their mothers….lol. I’m not taking any girl serious for now due to simple yet complex reasons I don’t want to discuss. I’ve got many good and fantastic female friends, anyway some are seen and others are unseen (thanks to the internet). And there exist some that I love them enough not to love them at all . But for this marriage thing, since they say it’s more of endurance and tolerance it brings me more fear than a promise of bliss.
I love to talk and some are of the opinion that I’m talkative; I love those with a wicked sense of humor because I love to laugh and love to make others laugh too, someone said I have a smiling face and therefore nicknamed me‘Ismaila’. I lived with anointed dissers in my first and second year in the university, there and then I learnt to diss intelligently and harmlessly too.
That I belong to a family where babies die at eighty-plus is the guarantee that I would be around for a long time. But somehow I sincerely always nurse this fear of growing old not for death sake. ‘Abeg!’ but because of my set goals and their timing. I’ve always wondered where I was when young and brilliant folks like the Chude Jideonwos, Debola Williams, Tosin Otitojus, and Toyosi Akereles of this world started out with life while their peers were fascinated with childish fantasies. I'm more knowledgeable not to compare myself to others, other than be inspired by their mind blowing achievements. Larry will succeed and you too.
Cheers folks like mum will endlessly say. It’s well.
Great article..:happy Birthday..its half a golden circle. God keep n bless you.
tanks david. may u increase, may your pen also flow like that of a ready writer.