7 WAYS TO BUILD STRONG SELF ESTEEM IN KIDS BY LANRE OLAGUNJU

In both kids and adults, low self esteem has always been responsible for; blaming oneself for things that are distance from personal fault, underestimating one’s ability and the making of a super pessimist. Constructive parenting in a healthy family setting gives a lending hand in attacking the challenges related to low self esteem, essentially in kids. Children who don’t have this sense of well being quite early, most times, end up struggling through life searching for it, still unsure of what exactly they are looking for. Since they don’t know how it feels.

 Difficult is not enough to describe the act of giving what is not there. Parents who probably didn’t grow up with great self confidence might see it as a great hurdle nurturing kids to have one. The result of the following self esteem boosters makes the different between the brilliant kids who become successful and the others.

1. Affirm in public and correct in private.

Children need to be showed enough love and acceptance and parents are the only people biologically automated to do that. But most times parents withdraw with a large overdraft. You need to affirm enough to correct. Strict reprimanding is better done in closet, after all the basic goal of correcting is to help improve and not to hurt, attack or destroy. Appraisal should be done from time to time when kids get things right. When correction is done publicly it stops been correction, it becomes humiliation and nothing kills a child self esteem like humiliating them publicly. And if you think that kids will ever forget such words overnight you can be sure to be very wrong

2. Don’t compare kids to others – not even siblings, it’s not worth it.

The uniqueness in every child is always crying out loud for deep expression. Some parents with the intention of motivating their wards do so by comparing them to kids next door, not knowing the peculiar behavioral challenges such kids are also battling with. It’s more profitable to help kids compete with themselves, not others. In every sense there will always be somebody somewhere better.

3. Every child is good at something, discover and encourage it.

As every child grows older she naturally does well at something though only very observant parent discover it. When a child enjoys a particular activity, it boosts her self-image, and this in a way has a magical way of translating into ripple effect on other activities. This phenomenon, in psychology is referred to as the  “the carry over principle” a parent who has mastered the principle explained how she encouraged her child’s passion and involvement in athletics despite that he’d a poor interest in his academics. It didn’t take time before she discovered that his school works improved as his over all self confidence increased.

4. Don’t set unrealistic expectations for kids

It’s so unimaginable how parents automatically feel that because they did exceptionally well in academics, sport, music or a particular career, then just like that their kids will. Error! Every child has her uniqueness and when a child is so exposed to many unrealistic expectations, its damages by threatening her sense of competence which is a valuable confidence builder. Child psychologist advise that striking a balance between pushing kids to do their best and protecting them is safer.

5. Address kids by name.

Researchers say that when you address a child by name essentially when accomplished by eye contact and touch it projects a “you are special” message.  It has also been researched that beginning an interaction using a child’s name helps to gain attention, break barriers and also paves way for corrective discipline

6. Be available to welcome and answer questions no matter how stupid they might sound.

We must be reminded that parenting can’t be outsourced. If the house maid is the first to answer questions like “where do babies come from” or questions like “why do I have a small rat between my legs and Daniella doesn’t?” Then just know that no matter how much money you make the child bears the name of that maid ‘cos he who sits with the child induces the child identity. Make them friends, such that their friends say things like “I wish we could exchange parents”.

7.  Give plenty of touch, attention and eyes contact.

I heard this particular story from a very insightful and distinguished clergyman, Poju Oyemade. During the 17th century, Emperor Fredrick wanted to bring to assertiveness one of his mind bugging observations on the significance of expressive love. So he carried out an experiment that was later discovered to be an expensive one. He gave an order to nurses and baby sitters that they shouldn’t express any form of love or affection to some selected infants. Though they were permitted to feed them, change their diapers and do all other necessary things apart from expressing love in any form of touch, cuddling, care and communication. To the utmost surprise of the monarch and the midwives, all the babies died.

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